How writing saved a friendship
I've got a friend. Whoo. I've known him since I was 3, but we didn't become tight until we were about 12. Over the next few years he introduced me to The Wheel of Time, Brandon Sanderson, The Name of the Wind, and why you shouldn't hide casks of cheap wine in your friend's wardrobe without knowing his mum's cleaning habits.
Without either of us having any, we were like brothers.
As we entered our 20s, however, stuff started to change.
He stopped listening to drum and bass while my obsession intensified. He found a career while I watched documentaries on the failures of capitalism. As our interests and lifestyles drifted, our bond started to as well.
It wasn't antagonistic, we were still “bruthas 4 lyf”, and he proof read every manuscript I put out. But the time we spent together went from days on end to once a week to once a month.
A solitary pursuit
See, while an unapologetic extrovert (I can be more communalist and socially-dependent than a 12th Century serf), writing is, famously, a solitary pursuit.
Musicians jam together and play to crowds, artists post on Instagram and have exhibitions. Even as a DJ I usually practice alone but then get to redline speakers with friends at parties and festivals.
Writers, however, lock themselves away in 'the cave'. Even when sharing the finished product, people read it by themselves. As writing became a bigger part of my life, the time it needed had to come from somewhere.
As writing got bigger, I inevitably heard about getting it out there - a 'platform' to launch from, networks to leverage, people that'll take your pitch up the elevator to the editor's floor.
The early origins of this website were a feeble attempt that slowly decomposed.
Then, a few months ago, I read (listened) to Jeff Goins's You Are A Writer (So Start Acting Like One). He framed the idea of a platform and networking so clearly and honestly, and without the predatory conniving that I'd associated with the terms, that the day after finishing it I restarted this blog.
Maybe it wasn't decomposing, just composting.
How people powered me up
Jeff's book is now one of my must-reads for writers, covering getting started through to getting heard. Not only did he instill the mindset shift of seeing myself as a writer rather than a wannabe, he also spurred on:
A genuine platform
I shifted my blogging 'voice' from what I hoped would get clicks to what was on my mind and thought would be of value. It's replaced anxiety around reception with heaps of fun and a spirit of contribution.
People who I'd never think would read it are reaching out and connecting. I'm talking to fascinating, cool people about supporting each other or interviews (including Jeff Goins himself!).
Community, not just networks
A year or so ago I heard about a local writers group. Out of straight-up pigheaded ego I didn't go - I've got a solid writing habit, why do I need to meet up to write? If I can read how-tos from pros, what could I learn here?
The Saturday after finishing Jeff's book I went down and met a group of supportive, excited, friendly people. I now go fortnightly, sharing sticking points, advice, book recommendations, and having a sick time. If I was happy in 5th gear, this group has kicked me into a 6th that I didn't even know was there.
I also met someone who, in one chat, pulled me out of a dark writing pit and put some hope back into a stagnant manuscript. More on that another time.
A few years ago I started an amateur writing group with some friends. Except for an annual writing retreat, that too faded away.
Then, after Jeff's inspiration, we've been meeting again. We usually come up with a word each as a prompt, then set a 40-minute timer to write a short story including all the prompts. You can see one of my efforts below.
The value from having different opinions to bounce ideas off and get guidance from has been priceless. My writing wouldn't be where it is without them. Plus, we get to catch up more.
Stronger pitches
By talking to real people about my work more, I'm getting more confident and better at talking about it. Woah.
Better conversations
The best conversations are when people are stoked about the topic. The more I write and the more I talk about it, the more stoked I get. Yarns with friends have been easier, closer and more fun.
Friendships
And that friend I mentioned at the start? He’s just finished his first draft of an exceptionally cool fantasy book, and so when I got over 2-years of writer's block (find out how to get over any Dip here), I reached out to write together a little.
2 months on and we meet up to write at cafes, call each other to troubleshoot manuscripts or bounce ideas, go for long walks, cook together, and lounge by the pool.
By making my writing more social, we’ve gone from a fleeting catch-up once a month to having deep hangs a few times a week. It's almost like the old days, just swap the cask-wine for a G&T.
Socialise the solitary pursuit!
Somehow, including other people in the process and being around them for it can transform even a 'solitary pursuit'. As a 12th Century serf, this shouldn't have come as a surprise. With a pigheaded ego, it still does.
So, no matter how introverted you are or how solitary your hobby, socialise it! You'll be amazed at what can come from other people. It's almost like we need them.
